If you’ve ever thought, “Why does my soccer coach hate me?”, believe me if I tell you you’re not the only one who has ever thought of that.
I’ve been there. Back in my early days as a soccer player, I was convinced my coach had it out for me. Every mistake felt magnified, every decision scrutinized, and the constant feeling of being on thin ice was exhausting.
I remember overthinking every interaction. Did I say something wrong? Was my last pass that bad? Why do they treat me like this while my teammates seem to get a free pass?
Fast forward a few years, and after playing under several coaches with wildly different personalities, I started to see things more clearly. What feels like “hate” is something else entirely.
Sometimes it’s a strategy to push you harder; other times, it’s about meeting the coach’s expectations, which may not have been communicated.
Let me share my experiences and insights to help you figure out what might be going on with your coach, how to interpret their behavior, and what you can do about it.
Reasons Why Your Soccer Coach Might Seem to Dislike You
Let me start by telling you that coaches don’t wake up one day and decide, “You know what? I’m going to hate that Seth Cohen today.”
However, there are certain actions or habits players have that can rub a coach the wrong way.
Let’s unpack a few of these:
Not Meeting Their Expectations
Every coach has their own style and requirements. Some prioritize tactical discipline, others focus on effort and attitude, and a few of them might even have pet peeves you’d never guess (like showing up late or slacking during warmups).
If you’re not fulfilling their expectations, whether it’s on the field or during practice, it might create tension.
For instance, if you’re not paying attention to your assigned role in the formation or if you’re always out of position, it can frustrate a coach.
Soccer is a team sport, and coaches dislike players who only look out for themselves, chasing personal glory instead of prioritizing the team’s needs.
Bad Attitude
Coaches are human. If you’re consistently late, don’t listen to instructions, or show signs of disrespect, they’ll notice. Even things like sulking after being subbed off or making sarcastic remarks can leave a bad impression.
Negative Team Impact
Sometimes, it’s less about you and more about how your behavior affects the group. Outbursts, selfishness, or even something as simple as skipping optional training sessions can disrupt team chemistry.
Coaches value players who set a positive example for others. If they think you’re a bad influence, they may sideline you to protect the group.
Fitness Concerns
Like it or not soccer is a physically demanding sport. Some coaches are very particular about fitness levels and might judge players who are out of shape.
It’s not always fair, but it happens…
If this sounds familiar, it might be time for you to focus on conditioning and nutrition.
SEE ALSO | 10 Soccer Coaches With The Most Trophies As At 2024
How to Tell if Your Coach Likes or Dislikes You
Now that we’ve looked at potential reasons, how can you tell if your coach is not your biggest fan?
Here are a few indicators:
Playing Time
I am not going to sugarcoat it for you, if you’re consistently left on the bench despite working hard in practice, it might be a red flag. Of course, you’ll need to evaluate this objectively.
Are there better players in your position? Is your form inconsistent? If none of that applies and you’re still overlooked, it’s worth considering why.
Tolerance Levels
Coaches usually understand that players make mistakes. It’s part of the game. However, if you notice that your coach is harsher with you compared to others for the same errors, it might be a sign of bias.
Body Language and Communication
Does your coach avoid making eye contact or offering constructive feedback? Are they dismissive when you ask questions?
While this is not always definitive, consistent negative body language can indicate frustration or at least a lack of investment in your development
How to Handle an Aggressive Soccer Coach
Some coaches have an intense, aggressive style. They yell, demand perfection, and might even cross the line into intimidation. If you’re dealing with this kind of coach, it’s important to stay focused and composed.
Here’s how you can thrive under a high-pressure coach:
- Understand Their Intentions: Most aggressive coaches don’t hate their players; they just want results. They might push you hard because they see potential in you.
- Control Your Reactions: If they’re yelling, don’t take it personally. Stay calm, nod, and focus on improving.
- Work Harder: Give everything you’ve got in training and games. Consistent effort speaks louder than words.
- Don’t Let Their Tone Affect Your Confidence: Separate the message from the delivery. If the criticism is valid, use it to grow. If not, let it roll off your back.
SEE ALSO | Why Are Soccer Coaches Called Managers
What If Your Coach Is Just…Bad?
Well, here is the unfortunate truth: not all coaches are great. Some lack tactical knowledge, and emotional intelligence, struggle to connect with players, or just don’t how to manage the team well.
If you think your coach falls into this category, what can you do?
- Open Communication: Start by having a respectful conversation. Share your concerns and suggestions. For example, if training sessions feel unproductive or disorganized, ask if there’s a plan to address it.
- Work on What You Can Control: Even if the coaching is not ideal or it’s not working, focus on your own development. Stay after practice to work on skills or fitness, and seek guidance from teammates or assistant coaches.
- Be a Leader: If you’re a more experienced player, you can help set the tone for the team. Coaches often appreciate players who take initiative.
- Know When to Move On: If the situation is truly unbearable and there’s no sign of improvement, it might be time to find a new team.
How to Stand Out in Your Coach’s Eyes
Want to get on your coach’s good side? Here are a few proven strategies:
- Work Ethic: Always give 110%, both in training and games. Coaches notice players who put in the extra effort.
- Team-First Mentality: Focus on the team’s success, not just your own. Be the player who makes sacrifices for the greater good.
- Stay Disciplined: Arrive on time, listen to instructions, and maintain a positive attitude, even when things don’t go your way.
- Ask for Feedback: Proactively ask your coach how you can improve. This shows humility and a willingness to grow.
- Consistency: One great game isn’t enough. Strive to perform well consistently, both on and off the field.
SEE ALSO | 10 Vital Soccer Skills for Kids With Basic Drills
Parents: What to Do if Your Child’s Coach Doesn’t Seem to Like Them
If you’re a parent, it can be heartbreaking to see your child feel overlooked or undervalued by their coach. Here’s how to approach the situation for kid’s sake.
- Observe First: Before jumping to conclusions, make sure you understand the full picture. Is the coach truly biased, or is it just tough love?
- Talk to the Coach: Schedule a calm, private conversation. Share your concerns without being confrontational.
- Encourage Your Child: Focus on building your child’s confidence and reminding them of their strengths.
- Be Supportive, Not Overbearing: Avoid interfering too much in the coach’s decisions. Instead, help your child develop resilience and problem-solving skills.
- Consider Other Options: If the relationship is beyond repair, it might be time to explore other teams or clubs.
When Is It Time to Leave?
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, things don’t improve. Maybe your coach’s philosophy doesn’t align with yours, or perhaps their behavior is just naturally toxic.
Whatever the case might be, here are signs it might be time to move on.
- You’re consistently ignored or undervalued, even after addressing the issue and you have shown up consistently.
- The environment is affecting your love for the game, and it’s beginning to tell in your performance.
- You feel like you’re no longer growing as a player.
Remember, soccer is supposed to be fun and fulfilling. Don’t let one bad experience hold you back.
SEE ALSO | Why Is Cinderella Bad At Soccer?
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, player-coach relationship can be somewhat tough to meddle in, but it’s also an opportunity to learn, grow, and develop resilience.
Whether your coach’s behavior feels like dislike, tough love, or something in between, focus on what you can control, your attitude, effort, and willingness to improve.
